Signs

For those of you who have ever seen the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" you may well remember the beautiful money pit of a villa that the main character, Francis, purchases on a whim during her vacation. From the first moment, Francis is drawn to this little villa and, upon deciding she can't go home to her divorce-wrecked life in America, decides that she must buy the villa Bramasole. There is just one problem: The little old woman selling the home is unwilling to part with it without anything less than a sign from God that the buyer is the right person for the home. "What kind of sign?" you may ask. Well. . . Apparently it is a very good sign in Italy to have a bird shit on your head. A blessing, if you will.

If this is such a good sign then I am anxiously awaiting my good fortune, for this morning I was blessed with just such a sign. Blessed. . . right. For those of you who have never received such a blessing let me outline the process for you:

It begins with a "wtf was that?", directly followed by a "did something just fall into my hair?" This is of course followed by the uncontrollable laughter of your friends and anyone who happens to be passing by. Then you go into the "omigod I'm so grossed out" phase. Aka - the "I will never be clean again in my life" phase. After a few minutes of the "stand really still so it won't get on anything else" phase you begin to move into the more rational phase of "how am I going to get this shit out of my hair?" Depending on where you are this can be the most difficult stage of the process. The proximity to a bathroom, or better yet a shower, will definitely affect your next move.

The beauty of this process is that even when you have completed it you soon learn that the blessing continues! Not only did you receive the blessing of being shat upon, but you also get to spend the rest of the day hearing about everyone else's shitty blessings too! How wonderful! Being shat upon truly brings people together.

So, I wait. I am confident my good fortune must come soon. Until then, I'm wearing a hat.